Tootsie-angst

Disquiet: A feeling of anxiety or worry. Synonyms include the nouns unrest and uneasiness; some synonymic verbs are perturb, disturb, trouble, worry, agitate or alarm.

“Disquiet” is the perfect word for the feeling I’ve had lately.

I’m disquieted by my aching feet. Perturbed because there’s no good reason for them to ache. The pain, which resembles (I’m guessing here, thank goodness) what it feels like after having the bottoms of your feet beaten for hours with bamboo canes, troubles me. I’m alarmed because my feet haven’t hurt like this for many, many years, and uneasy because when my feet did ache like this, I was also experiencing frequent, devastating rheuma flares. Disabling, crippling, whimper-eliciting flares.

So I’m disquieted, even though I have not experienced even one Frankenflare from out of the past. Nevertheless, I’m worried that one is lurking behind the closet door of the near-future. When my feet ache in the morning like I’ve been standing on them all night instead of lying in bed, sleeping quietly, it makes me feel sort of anxious.

I can’t help it.

I’m also concerned that by stressing over something that only might be imminent, I’m setting myself up to actually experience it. Is this just another vicious circle, courtesy of rheumatoid arthritis? Pain causes anxiety causes pain?

I think it just might be. You know the usual vicious circle: rheuma pain causes sleeplessness causes fatigue causes pain causes sleeplessness… Or that other vicious circle that goes: rheuma pain causes muscle tension causes rheuma pain causes… You get my drift.

So how do I ease my disquiet? I’m trying to ignore my stupid aching feet, but unfortunately, each time I take a step they remind me of their presence.  They also nag me when I’m sitting still, my weight off them. They grumble at me in a low, constant throb, for subjecting them to such punishment. Bamboo canes!?

But I didn’t do it! I cry at them. Leave me alone! Geez Louise!

I take my daily cocktail of anti-rheuma drugs faithfully, still hoping against hope to ward off  the Frankenflares. I also take painkillers ranging from Tylenol Arthritis formula to Tramadol to Vicodin, all with great care and only as needed, but not one of them has had any appreciable effect on the foot pain.

Which, of course, brings on more tootsie-angst.

Sigh.

11 responses to “Tootsie-angst

  1. Sorry to hear about your feet trouble Wren. The angst that comes from these battles is unsettling and causes anxiety I think that is focused on the uncertainty of the future. Hope you feel better soon.

  2. Oh, Wren. I’m sorry. When your feet hurt, your hurt all over (at least I do)! I do home this is transient and that you (and your Frankenfeet) feel better fast!

  3. My friend and I were just talking about burning feet and they thought the burning was neuropathy which is disquieting to me to take advantage of your word. Do you ever take anything to make you sleep better?

    Possible foot ideas ; I tend to wear socks with padded feet to get a little more cushioning. Diabetic socks are easy to get off and on, though for “scientific” cushioning nothing beats classic ski socks.

    Also orthotics can help, and good supportive shoes of the type that look ugly and spoil your outfits unless yoga pants are your main choice of apparel. I think we should have a come as you are party, and see everyone dressed in their favourite blogging clothes. I wonder if we all look the same at home in comfortable clothes

  4. Hmm how upsetting!! I think we all know that feeling of unease well with the constant ‘what ifs’. How long have your feet been hurting? Maybe this is a flare which is being kept at bay by the drugs and that’s why you’re not getting the MEGA pain. I keep my fingers crossed that this is the worst it’ll get and will soon pass! Take care of yourself Wren.

  5. Oh…the worst!! Cause we can’t get anywhere unless we use them and they also support all our weight while getting there! I am sooo sorry for you right now. My heart goes out to you. And although I am almost in total agreement with you about it being arthur related, I hope you don’t mind me asking just a few questions to maybe track down a culprit that might have triggered this. Any new shoes of late? Are you always wearing slippers or support shoes like a good sneaker in your home when walking around? Even on my best of best ra days, I can never EVER walk barefooted. I just hope this little monster decides to take a hike and soon!

  6. This is serious, and I shouldn’t … but I can’t stop giggling at that photo! Did you make it in Photoshop? Tootsie voices … well how about drowning them in a nice soothing foot bath? I learned this during my time in western Japan. A foot bath (water not too hot), music playing in the background, no longer than half an hour! If you can get your hands on a box of Japanese bath salts (they make some specifically for arthritis) even better. The bath might not knock out the physical discomfort completely, but it does wonders for battling angst and restlessness. Be well meine liebe Zaunkönigen!

  7. I am sorry to hear of your pain but what an awesome photo! I know just what you mean about the foot pain. Sometimes I don’t want to put my feet on the floor in the morning. Hope you feel better soon. This weather certainly isn’t helping!

  8. My feet ache constantly, especially the bottoms. Just today, my rheumatologist explained to me that the “fat pads” on the bottoms of our feet dry up after we reach *ahem* “a certain age”; well, I can attest to that!
    In addition, our feet become deformed much the way our hands do, and we get calluses, but they don’t protect us from the pain. Until recently, I have enjoyed narcotic pain relievers but my new doctors don’t prescribe them :-( . Now, I just do the best that I can with padding and all kinds of foot gadgets. BTW Wren, I also lived in Germany for many years, and because I could not sit still (ADHD), my nickname was “Spatz” (Sparrow).

  9. I hope you feel better soon…for me, it’s my ankles that burn…sometimes other joints join in the party…sometimes not…I’m hoping none of your other joints will take the lead of your feet. My thoughts are with you.
    J.G. Chayko

  10. Sorry that you are feeling this, Wren! I hope your feet give you a break soon. I can relate, my feet HATE me right now. I can deal with one foot hating me, but two is too much.

  11. I think we are all feeling the flares with cooling weather. I have had an interesting flare up as well and I am going on day 11. I have not had once of these since the year of my diagnosis and I am at over four years now. Like you, I am very worried about things getting worse. It was so bad this weekend that I struggled to put my socks. I was so upset I started to cry. I definitely understand and am relating to your feelings of anxiety. As far as easing your disquiet, it is not really about ignoring your feet, it is about ridding your mind of those racing thoughts and those are even harder to ignore. Hopefully, the pain comes down soon and so does the disquiet. Gentle hugs to you, friend.